i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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