I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
