i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
