I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Someone shattered a urinal.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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