You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
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Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
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Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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