nutella sex= disaster
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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