I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
my phone needs a breathalizer
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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