bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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