I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
