I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
The air taste purple.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
