what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
