Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
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