onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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