Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
