I want you more than these girls want KFC
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
