Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
