You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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