This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
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as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
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Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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