..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
