i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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