Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?