Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
Terrible brother advice.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.