yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.