so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.