doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
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