Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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