my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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