I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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