he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
