I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
