The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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