The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
