never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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