goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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