you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Ketchup is God's man juice
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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