that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
