my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize