Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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