So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
My friends, they love my intelligence
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
