I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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