Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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