five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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