you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
