wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You're a waste of cheezeits
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Randomize
