it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
