Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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