Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Even my vagina gasped.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
