The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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