ugly people sure do ruin things
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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