So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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