that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
