Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
