i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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