I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
