if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize