In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
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then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
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You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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