cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I am mentally ready for anal.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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