He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
