I like to think it a success when the cops are called
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
