Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize