Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
