OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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