does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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